The Battle

    Trying to keep control of depression is a constant battle. There are some times when I feel totally safe and secure with only the minor creeping "what if..." in the darkest corner of my mind. That's the anxiety part trying to get past my mental defenses. I've had counseling and therapy most of my life, so I can fall back on techniques I was taught to combat all of the negative voices, but I am human. I get tired of holding up the walls.

    What has helped me, and continues to do so, has been to observe my own patterns, determine if they are healthy or unhealthy, and to correct the behaviors that I find feeding the depression/anxiety. Lately I've noticed that I've been extremely tired. I get home from work and just want to lie down on the couch and fall asleep. So that's what I've started doing. 

    This is a terribly unhealthy behavior. I LOVE sleep. I love to sleep for as long as I possibly can. I wish naps were incorporated into the adult work day. However, the sleep that I've been getting is excessive. This oversleeping leads to nothing being accomplished. Not accomplishing tasks leads me to believe that I am lazy and worthless. The thought that I'm worthless leads to more sleep. I've been in this cycle more than once. 

    My plan for nipping this in the bud before it can get out of my control is to work out 3 to 4 times a week. Vanessa and I have been dieting and exercising for quite some time, but vacation threw us off. We are trying to get back to the gym and a regular workout routine. I think both of us struggle with this because after work we feel like zombies. And we're really, really hungry. But if we stick to our goal, and I know we can, it will help both of us with our energy and mood. 

    If you're having a mental health issue I want you to remember that you're not alone, and you too can explore your own mind to figure out what you need to do to help yourself. For me, medication is a necessity. Sometimes I must return to therapy. But I do what I can to fight my depression a little bit at a time. 

   I want to help people who suffer from mental illness by sharing my own experiences. There will be more open and honest posts about dealing with depression and anxiety. I also hope to start gathering and posting resources here as well.